Recently I saw a woman on youtube under the username of Lovein30days that called herself a dating expert (Shay is her name).  She gave dating advice to young women that consisted of loving themselves and of not being played.  As I watched these youtube videos, I noticed that the topics she talked about (which all revolved around sex and dating) she seemed to be truthful about, but her tone seemed like she was either bashing the person she was giving advice to or she the topic urked her.  She has such topics as: “If He’s Not Feeling You, He’s Just Not Feeling You” ; “Cyber Booty Call”; “Friends With Benefits (Free Vagina)” just to name a few.  As I watched, I decided to take up an experiment that would see just how much of a dating expert she is, and if she can tell me something that I either didn’t already know or figure its ok to bash me. 

So: I decided to write about a situation I was in in the past, but twist it around so it wasn’t all true but she can have negative but truthful things to say about it.

http://www.youtube.com/inbox?folder=messages&action_message=1 

Now…in that e-mail there is several things wrong with that.  I told her the guy and I talked via aim and e-mail as well as facebook.  Many people do that, but I didn’t tell her how long we were dating for in the past, I started it off by telling her how long we were talking for now.  I’ll say now I never stated anything about a relationship, and I will explain why I bring this up later.  I mentioned bedroom buddies, but I didn’t mention feelings of attachement but I did ask her if I was played.  Something to think about, right? 

She responded: http://www.youtube.com/inbox?folder=messages&action_message=1 

She infact said that I was a victim of “A Lesson Learned.” She tells me that I was played and he did tell me everything he needed to get me over there.  But…I never said I wanted a relationship with him.    I just said he didn’t call me back.  Sometimes that can hint in me wanting something with someone, but in all honesty, some women just wonder why he didn’t call back for some more sex.  As funny as it sounds, its true.  She even went on to sy that I met him online when I infact told her he was a past love of mine.  She even went on to make a youtube vid of it. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-54kKq2u9FA

Now, what she put in the e-mail he didn’t say in the vid.  She made it sound like I was completely obvlious to what I did (when in fact she didn’t know the e-mail was mostly a lie).  She even put on her page about the nameless DIVA (what she calls her suscribers and writers) who hooked up with an old flame through cyber space upon the first face to face meeting.  Now, it wasn’t a first meeting if I knew him in the past and I went out on dates with him before going over to his house.  There is where I can say she’s not what she is cracked up to be.  Not only that, she even said that there is no means of a relationship and I was lonely.  It was as if she was bashing this DIVA but in all reality this DIVA used her as a social experiment to show not everyone is willing to give you good relationship or friendly advice.  Some of this isn’t to take seriously, but I don’t think a dating expert should bash a woman like that and put in what they think. 

What if I got caught up or listened to my friends? She didn’t know that.  Although she was going by the e-mail she made a personal opinion on someone and then got some facts wrong like “first meeting with an old flame” and “being lonely” to name a few.  I’m glad she made this social experiement, now people can see that fame for some is at great costs.  She spoke on what she wanted to speak on in the video and made sure she put in so much of her two sense that she literally was bashing.  If you give advice, make sure you don’t put a person down, just let them know what hey did wrong and give them some ways on not doing it again or ways of them helping themselves.   

I’ll be sure to show you some love,

~Analytical Williams

P.S: The e-mail I wrote to the expert isn’t real.  I overexaggerated in the e-mail alot, from going to a concert with the guy to having a casual fling with him.  I just wanted to know what the expert would say.  Sorry, had to say it again.  Not everyone is fit to give advice.

I’ve always noticed, especially with us that have been through rough times such as relationships, money trouble, career troubles; that we tend to dream about it after we have put it past us.  Some of those memories might not have been rough, they might have been troublesome but not dissapointing to the point where you call it a nightmare.  I recently had a dream that I found confusing, but at the same time it reminded me of good times that I’ve had with my ex as well as with the new guy.    I’ll put it in scenario form since I love to do so:

Is this a Sweet Dream or a Beautiful Nightmare? -

(This is all described in the dream)

As I approached the lounge in a college in Brooklyn (because of course the dream didn’t tell me what college I was in) I couldn’t wait to rest before my next class.  I plopped down on the couch and waited for my next class to begin but after about fifteen minutes of me just sitting there (go figure) a fimiliar figure popped up.  As I looked up, I noticed that he was an ex of mine that I never wanted to see again.  I put that feeling aside and since he said nothing to me I did the same – that’s until he approached and with a smile on his face said , “Hey.  How’ve you been HR.” (Don’t you dare ask me what HR is.  I’m not tellin’.) I looked up at him, still not wanting to say anything but at the same time not wanting to make a scene, so I just replied, “Hi.  I’m fine Chris.” Oddly enough without my mind playing out everything, I found myself in another odd comprimise with him pinning me to a wall and licking my face, me squirming underneath him trying to get free. 

And then, I found myself in another awkard situation with the new guy sitting next to me.  Once again my mind hadn’t played out everything in the dream (or I was thinking too much while dreaming) because the new guy and I were starting to make out and my ex was long gone: very awkward as it showed on my face.  But then the dream stopped…

Yeah I know it was awkard…but of course for days I thought it meant something.  I thought it meant that the new guy was going to make an impact somewhere and my ex was going to come back.  Needless to say I’ve stop thinking about both of them, not in a bad light, just because I’m not going to let it consume me.

But on with the e-mail:

I recently got an e-mail from a girl that’s seventeen that is in need of some advice:

[Quote] Dear Ms. Analytical:

I found out about your blog on facebook from  friend that knows you.  As I read it I wanted to ask you some advice on something that is happening to me now because I’m just confused.  I’m seventeen and am in a friends with benefits relationship with a guy that I have been friends with through facebook and in life through work.  Well we only hooked up once, but any other time before that we messaged on facebook or wrote on each others walls on myspace.  I’m kind of confused because I haven’t heard from him in about two weeks now, but we didn’t really speak in the past as much either.   He wrote me back two days later asking to hang out but I didn’t hear from him after that.  He was a complete gentleman and treated me like a lady, the whole time.  So I’m asking, Do you think he’d call back or write back?

Anonymous, 17 [/Quote]

Although its great that he was a gentleman I don’t think he’d write back.  No matter how nice a guy is, sex is sex.  He might of e-mailed back but after two weeks we can say he’s not into you.  You and I don’t know what he’s thinking but if there wasn’t much communication in the first place, then that’s all he wanted was sex and nothing more.  He might be consumed with work and he didn’t get back to you or he could have a girlfriend, but even so it doesn’t seem like a relationship is in store for you two.  If I were you I’d move on and go on with my life and forget about him.  You really don’t want to be the other woman or the girl he comes to for sex but its up to you what you really want though.  If you really want to know, you can e-mail him and ask him but I don’t think that’s a good idea because then he is going to think you are in need of him.  Just take this as a life lesson: Everything that glitters isn’t GOLD.

I’ll be sure to show yousome love,

~Analytical Williams

P.S.: It’s hard answering questions like that because you know the person doesn’t want to hear the real answer.  But its all a learning experience.

Hey my beauties -

I’m pretty sure the topic I’m going to write about can hit home to alot of women as well as men. 

When we meet someone new, rekindle an old flame or just start to take something with a friend a little further; we often wonder what the other party is thinking.  I should know, I’m going through it now.  If only I were Jean Grey with her telekinisis, I’d know what anyone was thinking of me.  But I’m not so my mind goes off wandering.  The only thing that I really know to do is to not think about it and to do that is to occupy myself.  But the bad thing about that is when I go back to just relaxing I start to think about it.  Its not strong thoughts, but I’m just wondering…’When can we see each other again?’ or ‘What is he doing now?’ I don’t call because I won’t make a pest of myself but we do stay in contact in e-mail and its not everyday consistantly. 

I know some women go through this and men do it too (when they’re not tryin’ to be a playa) but even someone like myself needs advice.  So I took it upon myself to ask some of my close friends about the matter.  Even a person like myself needs advice every once in a while and we can all learn from each others experiences.  I didn’t make it seem like it plagued my life because in all honesty it doesn’t, but I gave them statistics on the guy but not too much where TMI (too much information) can be hovered over my head, but basically I said we enjoyed each others company in a good way.  My friends all said that he sounds really decent, but because I’m just an iffy person and tend to be analytical about everything (hence the name Ms. Analytical) but that doesn’t mean that I don’t think he’s a great guy.  I just don’t think anyone is perfect, which is probably a good way of looking at things.

Anyway, I tend to think and over-analyze which is something that can hurt me in the long run as well as my impatience.  I’m giving this time, time for us to be friends or o find out what I want as well as know what he wants.  I think we all can relate to that, right? But as for most of us, we tend to want to know what the other party is thinking.  But then there’s the friend that goes: “It’s not that serious. ” When you in fact know it isn’t and you don’t stress it as such.  Those friends I don’t confide in as much about my love or friendships as much.  That’s all…no need to get that personal with people that don’t take much seriously. 

I’ll Be Sure to Show You (and this post) Some Love

~Ms. Analytical

I said I was taking a break but I want to write one more entry before I really take my break.  I’ll be writting about two stories that aren’t the least bit similar: one of an ex, and the other of a guy…  I think these stories can relate to alot of the women out there, but they are so recent that I need to get them off my chest too.  The stories will be divided into two entries.  I’m going to try not to sound so one sided on the matter and I want everyone to get an overall picture of it. 

Ms. Analytical and The Ex -

My ex wasn’t the best guy as far as being compassionate was concerned.  He didn’t always cater to my needs, and he always waited for me to do things.  The nights he did for me I cherished extremely.  He was however the sexiest man that women did see and I know myself: I love a rebellious man with tattoos and muscle that wore baggy pants and hooded sweaters.  He was an attractive black man with chocolate brown skin and always wore braids, and at the time I was a young women without a child that wore glasses, had medium hair and loved to wear baggy jeans, and printed tees.  While we dated we went out every Friday night whether it be to the movies, or just to eat .  We never went to the club together because of his jealousy and I do have to admit, I’d get jealous too if some girl decided to dance with my man.  So, that’s how it stayed for exactly a year: out to eat on a Friday night after we worked and went to school during the day and then sex right after.  It changed exactly New Years Eve of ’06 when he became distant that night.  Figuring he was just in a bad mood, I decided to let him be until New Years Day when I’d give him breakfast in bed and a back rub.  I wished him a good night and let him go to sleep but he didn’t give me a kiss, he just mumbled good night and walked into the room and shut the door.  I slept on the couch of his apartment because I didn’t want any bad blood…guess you can say I was a semi – wise 19 year old.  The next morning was a a sour morning…I woke up at seven in the morning and made breakfast but ate on my own while watching the Yule Log.  My boyfriend didn’t wake up until twelve that afternoon and by one was dressed and left the apartment with no say so in where he was going.  So I dressed and went to my mothers house and away from the Bronx.  I didn’t get a call from him until a few days later, when he called to tell me that we should just see other people.  That was hard to get over since he left me alone in the house on New Years just because he didn’t want to be with me any longer. 

And now we fast forward to the present:

I’ve been over him now, and living life the way any 23 year old with a beautiful baby boy would: happily and by my sons rules.  It was a Sunday evening and I had just gotten back from taking my son to the park.  He was tired from playing hard and I wanted to sleep myself and since he was too wrestless to eat, I just bathed him and put him to bed.  It was nine when I was done and I was tired myself so I got ready to get in the shower myself since my mother and grandmother were in the hospital due to my grandmother having neumonia.  As I got ready to get in the shower, I heard a knock on the door.  I opened the peep hole to see a familar face that I hadn’t seen in a few years.  So when I asked who it was, it came to shock that it was the same man that left me alone on New Year’s just because he didn’t want to be with me any longer. 

“Eric.”

I opened the door to see him standing there with some slacks and a white button up with the Rocawear symbol on it.  He looked very different from the man I used to date, more sophisticated: hair cut into a light ceasar, bigger and more toned muscle and another tattoo on his arm that I couldn’t help but stare at: “Love is blind.” written in script.  It was the first thing I saw when I looked at him.  Words weren’t exchange for a good five minutes, just a glance from one person to another.  Finally I spoke, “What are you doing here?” I asked trying not to be surprised.  He laughed while handing me a beautfiul bouquet of pink and red roses and then leaned in for a hug.  About ten minutes after the hug he was raising his voice however, because he didn’t like the answer he had gotten when he asked:

“Is there any chance that we can start over, from the beginning?”

I couldn’t come to starting over: there was no reason to.  I didn’t want to get hurt all over again and that was my biggest fear.  I knew he just up and left me the last time and I have no time for him to try it again now.  As he spoke I tuned him out but realized that he not once mentioned his work or the life he lead now and more of wanted me to mention my life.  He didn’t hesitate to tell me to have a nice life once he realized what was going on while he walked away from the door.  I closed the door, not once watching as he walked out the hall and through the front doors of the building but I did rush to the living room windows to see him get into his freshly painted SUV.  I watched and wondered why did he want to persue me again, but that quickly wandered out of my mind as I watched him pull off in the SUV and drive out of my life all over again.  He was a mystery then and he was a mystery now.  I often see his facebook page, but I each time I hesitate to add him.  I just don’t want to revisit the pain. 

Relationships are like glass.  Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.  ~Author Unknown

The quote does justice as a summary and as something to remember when your in relationships that hurt you emotionally and physically or to relationships that just don’t work out.   What hurt the most about the breakup was that he never once told me why he never explain why he broke up with me which left many thoughts and accusations in my head.  I can never revisit something like that, the feeling will only get worse. 

I’ll be sure to show you some love-

~Analytical Williams

I’ve been trying to figure out what I want to do with my life since I was eighteen years old.  I’ve been sure that I wanted to be an animator, but that was shot to shit when I went away to college and started the classes.  I went back to school in the city for business classes and didn’t get to finish because I became easily sidetracked and I started to once again question what I was doing.  After I had my son, I went straight to work, and I wasn’t happy with that after a little while.  I wanted to be happy doing something I love to do.  I’m always taking pictures and I do want to take up photography but something within the music industry calls out to me too.  I like what is done in the studio, when the music producer is producing the tracks while the musician is in the studio recording the track.  That’s so freakin’ inspiring, but I’ve been shot down by several people all telling me that I’m not into music like that.  I’m ready to figure myself out…that’s my 23 b-day present to myself: to figure out WHO I AM.  I don’t want to be the one left behind while everyone else knows what they want to do and who they already are.  I want to be the one that’s constantly traveling, meeting new people and making a name for myself doing what I love to do.  Once I find that, I’ll truely be happy with myself. 

~Analytical Williams

After getting feedback from the last blog “Are Men in it to Get You Pregnant?”, it was bought to me that I sounded like I was bashing men.  Many of the (straight) men that read this blog told me that Wendy Williams shouldn’t be in my blog because she’s outrageous.  In a way they’re right but I had time to read it and notice that I was in fact bashing men in a way.  Some felt very strongly about the blog.  So:

I am apologizing about the last blog.  I think the topic is strong enough but in fact I wasn’t trying to bash any males.  I have been told by some males that they have sex w/o condoms because of the feel, but some do it because they can trust the female.  I can be a fair person, but Wendy Williams, not all the time lol.  I do analyze alot but I am realistic (or trying to get a rise out of you) at the same time. 

To the males that felt that the last blog was a hate blog: I don’t hate men.  If I did, I wouldn’t have friends.  I’d be a lonely 22 year old living in a shelter because my family consists of men.  I guess I did get twisted with Wendy’s words as well, and that was a no no.  But truthfully, I don’t feel that men are in it to get you pregnant, but we have sex for pleasure (duh! LOL) and whatever we do we do need to know what we’re doing. 

I’ll Be Sure to Show You Some Love (really!)

~Analytical Williams

“If you feel a man doesn’t use a condom, that means he’s trying to get you pregnant or give you an STD: whether he’s in a relationship with you or not?”

I heard part of the question on the Wendy Williams’ Show this morning at 10am after one of the women in the ‘Ask Wendy’ segment asked about her partner and said that he didn’t want to use condoms.  So Wendy infact said that he was trying to get her pregnant.  Now is that for any man that doesn’t use a condom: are they in fact trying to get you pregnant or give you an STD?  Here’s what I think:

I think most of the time its got to do with thinking with hormones more than trying to give a person something they don’t want.  (Unless they are that freakin’ vedictive that they want to get a woman pregnant or give her an STD).  But don’t get me wrong either…it does take two.   If one person doesn’t put on a condom but the other person goes along with it and knows, then they are as much to blame as the other party. 

But then again, if he asks to not wear a condom then indeed he is trying to get you pregnant.  It depends on the situation and how it plays out…but there shouldn’t be a reason as to why a person shouldn’t want to wear a condom during sex.  Some instances people aren’t thinking, other situations its the heat of the moment and many its the guy trying to get you pregnant.  Think about this too:

-Did he ejaculate (cum)

But whether he did or didn’t, the same rules apply. 

But one thing is for sure whatever you do:  be careful!

I’ll be sure to show you some love,

~Analytical Williams

~Analytical Williams

I’ll Be Sure to Show You Some Love,

~Analytical Williams